oh, steph...no luck today~

Gosh...*grumble grumble grumble...

It poured ALL day long.. Today was definitely one of those days ...I should have stayed home & avoided the outside world. -__- (It could be a scary or just a bad day)

Unfortunately, I had a school appointment in the morning in LA...making me stay on the road, in the rain.

**Since 9 am I was on the freeway headed for LA, stuck in heavy traffic. Perfect.

**I passed at least 2 big car accidents, including a giant supermarket truck that had managed to literally crash into the opposite traffic. That was pretty scary. And the last one made me 10 minutes late for my appointment. ><

**The visit with my school adviser only took 30 minutes (short & sweet) & then I came to my car...which had a 'lovely' parking ticket on the front window.

**I looked at the violation I made..."parked on Wednesday morning between 8 AM - 11 AM during street cleaning hours." The sad & ironic part is, I did notice & had read the sign before I parked there!!! But I was so jaded by the long, arduous drive to LA that I completely forgot that it was Wednesday morning even though I had just read the sign!!!!!!!!! Oh, Steph~ -_________-

~~~~>>>>> But wait, there was a lovely SECOND ticket attached to the first ticket....."no license plate on the front of the car." Omg, are you serious?? Only in LA~~~~~ I've driven my car around for 4 months in OC...only to step foot in LA for 30 minutes & get double fined. WOW.


Lucky day for Steph.


NOTTTTT~

(Should've scheduled my appointment for another day...any other day.)

it's cold!

How did it get freezing all of a sudden? Goodness me...

The winter came out of no where...so I've been wearing my snow boots, wool sweaters/turtle-necks...scarves, mittens, jackets, long johns, etc......hahhahahahhaha And I got made fun of...'cause I look like an Eskimo Girl~ -__-


Pshh..at least I'm warm. :D

good news in a letter

Dear Nursing School,


Hello school. I didn't know when you'd come..

Now that you're finally here...................I am just so glad inside.

Yay!

jet lagged...on thanksgiving day

I slept for only 2 & a half hours...& then out of no where...I just woke up (?)
Random thoughts:

1. It's raining this week! I don't even like rain, but I'm glad it's raining for a change...
2. Why am I still having jet lag issues, waking up in such odd hours...
3. Glad to be home...at the same time, missing the little world I left behind. Already getting wrapped up in my new setting. Say no, Stephanie...say no..
4. Time to settle down, get plenty rested...
5. Coming home with Thanksgiving & December around the corner...I realize how fast & soon 2008 will be ending.
(Then immediately, I thought:)
6. Oh my goodness. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a new year yet...

Lastly,

7. Whatever. Happy Thanksgiving, hope it's extra special this year. Good night.

good-bye Luang Prabang..

Good-bye.....I think I will really miss you.
Time to pack up & go home....

i will miss you, my sister

I love you. Always.

my last weekend w/ Jo

lol...haha :)






Currently, enjoying my little adventure with my sis :)

my prayer

(A prayer from a book I'm currently reading, "Character Makeover" by Katie Brazelton & Shelley Leith)


"Precious Lord,
I wasn't sure I would ever say this, but thank you for the wilderness. I admit I've complained, despaired, & even lost faith during my time of waiting. But you've been patient with me. Thank you. Help me to keep waiting patiently, knowing that this quiet time is both healing & restorative, a time when you & I can just meet together & be together, without too many expectations. Thank you that while I wait, you are working in ways I cannot see, leaving me here as long as it takes to grow me into the oak tree I need to be for the next thing you have in store for me.
In the name of Jesus, amen."


...took the words right out of my mouth...hmm, how lovely.

honeymoon w/ God

Luang Prabang, Laos is where I am currently staying, with my lovely sister. Each day is amazing & a pleasant surprise. I came here to just spend time with my sister, maybe baby-sit her cats & have a quiet time with God. I didn't expect anything (actually, I didn't really want to come!) But for some reason, I felt that I had to come...

Then to be able to marvel at all this beauty...the blue, blue sky, beautiful scenery, & a close look into a strange, unknown world.. What a wonderful gift!

My sis suggested that we do our quiet time today by reading a (short) book of the Bible & sharing our insights from what we read. I was currently reading 2 Corinthians, so I decided to finish reading it. A lot of the verses were words of encouragement..as I read along. It gently reminded me of God's overflowing love for me & for all. And I was reminded of a new life that is to come, where I can finally be with God forever..in paradise. I can't wait! :o)



2 Corinthians 6: 15-18:

"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more & more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light & momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

a day in Laos..

The trip to Laos seemed impossible since I stepped foot onto LAX..At my first check-in, the associate told me that in order to enter Vietnam, I needed a pre-approval visa from the embassy. So they told me that I couldn't go, not even to Korea!!! I frowned..all my preparations...and what? I can't even get out of LAX?? While my head was spinning, it's funny how my heart somehow, wasn't. I knew that in some way...I would be able to go. All the directions always pointed toward me going to Laos. It was always myself that was saying 'there's no way I can get to Laos.' After 10 minutes of...confusion, I asked again, saying that I am going to Vietnam, but it wasn't my final destination...bingo. Got my boarding pass & was on my first flight to Korea.

The trip got harder & harder. WOW. I thought I wasn't gonna make it after I got to Vietnam! Almost 30 hours of flying & lay-overs..

All I can say is, I'm so glad to finally be here at my final destination!!!!! :)

What's the best part? Every experience is an opportunity to make memories. Even if I slip...really badly..down a flight of stairs carrying my very heavy suitcase...-_- (Man, that hurt. OW~~~)......it is a memory. I am allergic to cats & my allergy medicine is so not working. I have a bulging left eye & it's now red. Great.


BUT so far, my sis showed me how to ride a scooter (kinda), I have witnessed traditional Lao dancing (beautiful), I've been behind my sister's scooter around town..met my sister's co-workers & students at her University, napped with Jo's cats (who love me by the way..)

Each day is so much fun! I look forward to...further damage. hahaha. Maybe tomorrow I'll fall off Jo's scooter..ouch. I hope not. My left elbow is still freshly wounded from my fall.

Oh, who cares.

Bring it on :D

the plague of a dominant extroverted thinker..

(According to the Myers Briggs Personality Type Test)


This is me:


"Creating order out of chaos" is one extroverted thinker's way of describing her volition. Determined, logical, critical, they love a challenge, especially one that will allow tangible improvement in productivity, efficiency or profitability. They are direct, finding the quickest, most direct path between what is and what should be.

They excel at implementing ideas and are often on the lookout for good ideas worthy of their attention. They are quick to organize, orchestrate, find resources, coordinate, and follow through to the end of a project. They love a problem, especially one that will make full use of their competencies, their logic and sense of order, justice and fair play.

Many find competition to be stimulating and fun. "These are the rules of the game now let us play." Fairness is sharing and respecting the same set of rules, so may the best one win. And since they readily acknowledge that there will be a winner and a loser, they would simply much rather be the winner. So they hone their strategies on the fine knife of experience and sharpen their skills to meet the next challenge head on.

They love having greater challenges bestowed on them as a result of having successfully met the last, as this attests to their competence and skills. They appear dispassionate because of their impersonal and objective approach, but close observation will reveal deep passion and enthusiasm as well as sensitivity, especially to cherished ones. However they expect others to roll up their sleeves as they do and meet the task in spite of personal hardships or discomfort.

They have little tolerance for personal whims that threaten a smooth running operation. They are direct and honest with most things that displease them and expect others to do the same. Their humanity shows in their sense of fairness and justice as well as their love of humor.

*************************************************************************************

It makes me sound so rigid & like a "square", which I am not. Not entirely. I know I am much more variable than what was described, but...when my life feels like it's slipping through my fingers...I do feel like a total loser & a complete square! I am a thinker & a planner.

I've been lying in bed for ~ an hour thinking/planning/thinking... The worst part is...I can't plan ahead if I don't know what lies ahead...& that is the worst feeling in the world! So, right now, I can't plan....I can only think.

I wish I could just cool it & sleep, but I can't. If I try to go to sleep feeling unprepared, restless, clueless! Then, my mind will keep wandering until it can somehow land safely on a decision. What if a decision cannot be made because I have to wait until the decision is made for me? Then I am left feeling exactly as I do right now. Unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking.

I am a planner. And I hate that I have to wait until December to make my future life decision. Of where, when, how.....Am I going to be home, or in Los Angeles, Loma Linda, Chicago, New York, Boston, etc.....where will I be?? Everything is on standby until I hear from nursing school in December...and until then I can't make any drastic adjustments in my life?? Gosh, I feel like I can't do anything & that totally sucks. Some might call it a break & want to enjoy the...break. I call it torture.

I feel so unproductive, unable to move, so...paralyzed....until, December. That's when I'll know. I'll know everything: my next move, my where, my how, my when!!!!!



*December, December. Until December then.

it's all about love

Lately, I've been learning a lot about the value of love. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to give/show to others, while it's the one thing that EVERYBODY craves (even if they don't admit it to themselves).

Subconsciously, I used to think: people can betray or hurt me, but at least God will never do that to me...
<'Cause.....seriously, people can be just so evil, rude, impatient, thoughtless, obnoxious,................etc.> lol

And today, I learned for the first time, that I can no longer separate between God & human beings. If I truly am aiming to grow spiritually in my relationship with God, then I need to start filling up my own heart with love & compassion for the people that God created & loves more than anything in this world..myself included.

It's gonna be a bit of a challenge, especially for myself. It will take some time, training, & patience. Maybe I will utterly fail sometimes!! But definitely a lot of growth, intimacy, & reconciliation will result, which are the products I gladly wait for :o) And the best part is, I don't think for a second that I will regret ever trying to love someone.



*Because the Bible says,


"The Lord is gracious & compassionate, slow to anger & rich in love.
The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.
All you have made will praise you, O Lord; Your saints will extol you.
They will tell of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts & the glorious splendor of Your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, & Your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is faithful to all His promises & loving toward all He has made."

-Psalm 145: 8-13-

catching up with time..& my #5

1. The weather changed all of a sudden. It's freezing in the morning. Fall is finally here.
Then, there was one Sunday that I will never forget. A very Blue Day at Bethel.. :)







2. My new hobby includes reading/doing QT at any Barnes & Noble while having my coffee..I also make my very own healthy omelet at home..

3. I'm getting closer toward reaching my career/dream of becoming a nurse. Had my interview yesterday (keeping my fingers crossed until the end of this year). Wish they would just put me out of my misery already & just tell me NOW.

4. My days are used for my muse & enjoyment. I like..


*And finally, my #5:


I'm going to LAOS! :)


Going to visit my sister who's been on my case about this for many months..& finally it's about that time. When the economy is at its worse..I'm going to leap my whole body into faith. Perfect timing, Steph..
And yet, I choose to immerse myself into fear, discomfort, & confusion...instead of leaning toward my own knowledge & logic. I've never done something like this before! I am a practical/logical person (which is code for safe/boring). This is me. In a sense, this means I'm gonna grow a lot. I was already being stretched in all directions while deciding/pondering/calculating. And I'm DONE! Bought the ticket, gonna pack my bags & leave it in the front door.

On a side note, there are things to do in preparation for the trip: I should exercise, take my vitamins, get my flu shot (very soon), rest my body before shocking it to death on a 28-hour trip in multiple airlines & lay-overs. My body's most happy when it is maintained in its predictable/equilibrium state. It becomes very agitated when things go out of control, without warning. And it's definitely shocked when I go somewhere...ANYWHERE. It can be as far as Laos...or just going on a retreat for a couple days. Nevertheless, it will cause all sorts of illness. So, I suppose in order to make this trip as painless as possible, I must raise my body's stamina..& its pain threshold. lol.

I am...opposites

simple & complicated.......

imperfect, but a stickler for perfection.....



reckless & responsible......


...patient & anxious.


standing still & moving.....


.....in the end, I am...opposite of what I am :o)

chicken soup

I don't recall the last time I was sick for days...it was torture! Last Tuesday, I woke up and oh, my goodness...I knew it was bad. I immediately opened up a can of chicken soup and tried to reverse as much of the sickness as I could. The fever was unbearable, so were the sores in my mouth :( I had to take ibuprofen around the clock..something I refuse to take unless it's necessary. And it was, necessary.

The fever is finally gone after a week, like it never happened. Only, I am down to one huge canker sore in my left inner gum...making my gland more swollen. Swallowing makes my whole neck HURT.

This only means one thing..summer time is over.

And, I must take a flu shot this year.

slowly but surely...

How amazing & what a blessing.
Having my sis, my Jo...with me has been wonderful & eye-opening. I asked to do our QTs together & what a precious time it was. A time I will never forget as long as I live. A time I will cherish for the rest of my life because it was a time with God that I haven't had in a very long time.

I forgot about so many things. Mostly, I forgot about God. And I've been carrying all my burdens, worries, tasks, etc...on my own, ever since that day. And I am spent.

To remember that it doesn't have to be this way...can make such a difference.

It can put a smile on my face, if I let Him.
I can be joyful inside, if I let Him.

Slowly but surely I will rebuild my relationship with God, brick by brick.





* Hope you can hear me.

until a brighter day comes..

Some things are better left unsaid & kept inside..
until tomorrow comes..

jo's back!

My sis is finally home for a couple of weeks! How wonderful & how interesting. I needed my sister to keep me company & indeed she is. It's almost as if she never left.

And yet, it's weird how I have a 'roommate' again all of a sudden. Things aren't left the way I left it last...I have to share...haha. It's funny how I've become accustomed to my solitude while my sister, who has been by my side all my life, had been away for just a little while..

However, I am more than happy to adjust! :)

my day has come

Yay. My day has come. My birthday..my day.

Things are...maybe the way it should be.
Today, I am sad & happy at the same time.

As I look back at the number of years I have lived...I am truly blessed.
I can only look forward to the future.

Something tells me that it's worth looking forward to.
And that it's okay to move on...and keep walking.

trying something new

Summer has finally come...and I am so lazy. I don't want to do anything but sit on my butt. I want to eat. I want to sleep. I want to be with friends. I want to go out. I want to go home. lol. Most of the time I just want to be entertained without having to put in much effort. hahaha. What a lazy butt.

Right now I'm sitting on my butt..realizing that I'm about to turn 25 years old next week. And I'm so not looking forward to it. Aww, man. I'm turning 25. I'm half way into my twenties already?

Luckily, I'm a happy girl. :o) Things like getting older can never bring me down.

But it is time to try something new. I'm hoping that my 25th year will be the 'unpredictable' year when I look back..

i dream of summer

Even though I was SUPPOSED to be studying for finals, I couldn't stop thinking/dreaming about the moment school is over. :o) I don't know what it is about finals, especially in the spring that makes looking forward to summer..so GREAT. Oh the joy of doing nothing - nothing productive...but feeling no guilt!! Nothing haunting your thoughts, no deadlines. No procrastination and again, no guilt. I'm not even in college anymore with 4 classes or 4 finals. I'm only down to 2 classes, but instead, I have a full-time job. But with no school, work is just work. And after work, I can do whatever I want. I can eat, I can sleep, I can stay up and watch another movie. Point is, it's whatever I want to do.

It's just 1 week..and 2 days. Count down starts NOW. To have freedom. To have one thing less to worry/think about. Count down to celebrate, SUMMER!

knowinging my peace-stealers

I read that in order to enjoy a life of peace, I have to examine & identify what my "peace-stealers" are. As I read this, I already identified several. I'm a bundle of stress these days. And I have so many buttons a person can push to take me over the edge. I thought immediately that work was on the top of that list. Dude, working these days is like working at a zoo. I don't know why it got so crazy and busy at the pharmacy. Literally, papers flying & phone ringing every second. And lately, a lot of rude/obnoxious/demanding/impatient customers just to "sweeten" the day...After working like a slave, I have to head over to my night class/lab. I'm already exhausted, stressed, a little ticked off, and famished as I leave from work..only to be in a class for another 3-4 hours. Oh yeah. I am an open door to getting my peace STOLEN.

Time to wind things down a bit. Actually, a lot. I want a life with peace and joy in it. Something that hasn't been accessible lately. I noticed that in times like these, I turn to God the most and I am able to feel closer to Him than I ever have before. I receive/read exactly what I need that will strengthen and revive me. For that, I am thankful and at peace for the night.

****************************************************************************

And then I thought, what else can give me back the peace that had been taken from me?
Hmm...

God's Word, a good novel, Peanut M & M's, hot coffee or tea, a favorite song, a nap, a best friend, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Yogurtland, the beach, thinking about the summer time, Pinkberry, and finally, a good movie.

Oh, and an A on a midterm/quiz/project can make it worthwhile too. lol. :o)


In exactly 2 weeks, school is out! And summer is in! Just 2 weeks, Steph..Come on.

lost forever

The other day I noticed that my laptop was running a little slow and then I couldn't open some files (some IMPORTANT files)..so I took it into the Mac store *again. Gosh. And the dude told me that my hard drive needed to be replaced. Ugh. That means yes, I get a new hard drive but my files will be gone.

I got it back today and I'm left with NOTHING. Gosh!! And they installed the wrong software. Perfect. I'm so annoyed. I backed up the IMPORTANT documents, but I don't have everything...not even microsoft office. I'm left with nothing. What the heck!

The other month..It didn't even let me log in. Then another time, I had to get my CD drive replaced. Ugh. I asked the "genius" if it was my fault. He said "no." Then why is this happening??

i wait for the summer

Ever since I got better, I've been busier than ever. Maybe I miss the time off while I was recuperating. No work, no homework, no nothing but sleeping & eating. Those were the days. hahaha Just kidding. It wasn't that great actually because I was so sick :o)

I just miss having free time! I can't wait until summer. I have no idea what's ahead of me though, but nevertheless it will be great.

bye-bye vertigo

Yes! I am better now. I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same, but I know I'm capable of working, going to school, working, & church. Again. During my 3-week vertigo days off of work, I didn't even need coffee. It wasn't like I was gonna drive to Starbucks to get my morning coffee anytime soon. Since I started working again, my usual double-shot expresso went down to a single-shot. Thought I might as well try to cut down if this was my only opportunity. Yay. As for everything else, it's going. Lots of stuff to do, but I must go slowly & calmly before I hurt myself again :o)

vertigo

This is my 3rd week...suffering from vertigo. By definition, it is a sensation of whirling and loss of balance. Simply put, dizziness. I have been diagnosed with vertigo for 3 weeks. Not working for 3 weeks, sleeping for 3 weeks...excluding the 1 week of spring break in New York when my medication worked. Ah, the 1 week of bliss and happiness in a far away place.. Then, to come back home and have the medication patch wear off after 2 days..never to have it working again. To be home, unable to work..ugh. Vertigo.
Pray that this will be my last week! Please make me better Lord. Let me be me again.

bad day #2

I can't remember the last time I was this upset that I literally got out of bed to let out some steam before attempting to go back to bed. I had a terrible day today and I can't sleep until I let it out.. so I can laugh about it.

People are so mean and so rude. I can't stand it sometimes! And I fear that I might become what you call a bitter, grump. I felt like I was wearing a "kick me" sign on my back or something. I was a primary target for the most random people, strangers!!! What the heck. Ugh. Good news? This day will never happen again. Bad news, who knows if it will happen again.


Annoying lady complaining and complaining about a generic medication at work. Annoying, but no surprise. One of those "extra" busy days at the pharmacy and the front store manager getting on my case about forgetting to put my purse in the locker room, again. Super scary. Lap top not working all of a sudden! What the heck. Driving and accidentally cutting-off a real JERK and the guy being a total *JERK* about it. That made me so mad. You don't understand.........that one made my blood pressue go up..........oh my gosh..........Then, going to the Mac Store to get lap top fixed. Super-Duper annoying. Showing up late to class because Mac Stores take FOREVER. Made me sad. Finally, pouring rain after getting out of lab. GREAT.


Bad day, bad day... I hate today.

God, please let me have a happy day tomorrow. Pretty please.

Good night.

my valentine's day

This year's Valentine's Day is so...not. lol. My day consisted of a 6-hour-shift at work followed by a 5-hour class/lab. Oh, not to mention a lovely lab quiz that had to be taken today also! Hehehe. Honestly, I didn't really mind. It's just another day..It was so funny to watch all the classmates RUSHING to get the heck out of lab. Almost spilling boiled water or forgetting to put lab supplies away properly..etc. We all got out surprisingly early for the sake of celebrating this day with our loved ones.

Happy Valentine's Day.

a missing piece

It hasn't been even a month since my big sister has left my side and already I feel like a piece of myself is gone. At first I didn't notice it, but now I realize how much I'm missing her I'm so sad. It's hasn't even been a month yet, how am I supposed to survive an entire year?

Luckily..my obsession with technology/gadgets/mechanical devices or whatever-you-wanna-call it are totally paying off.

I talked to my sis through Skype, which allows me to talk to her through my laptop plus be able to see her and hear her. Totally awesome!! Whoever made Skype = GENIUS. Talking to her and watching her show us (my mom and I) her room, the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room.. as she carried her laptop around the house in Laos was totally amazing. :o) Made her seem not so far away. It was weird that she was showing us her place and it was during the day when it was almost 9pm over here.

While I was downloading Skype to my laptop..I was conveniently chatting with her through google talk on my Blackberry. It's pretty incredible how these computers/phones can enable sisters who are off in different parts of the globe to be able to carry a conversation instantly, not to mention for free. Bravo.

Miss you Jo! Sending lots of hugs and kisses your way..