the plague of a dominant extroverted thinker..

(According to the Myers Briggs Personality Type Test)


This is me:


"Creating order out of chaos" is one extroverted thinker's way of describing her volition. Determined, logical, critical, they love a challenge, especially one that will allow tangible improvement in productivity, efficiency or profitability. They are direct, finding the quickest, most direct path between what is and what should be.

They excel at implementing ideas and are often on the lookout for good ideas worthy of their attention. They are quick to organize, orchestrate, find resources, coordinate, and follow through to the end of a project. They love a problem, especially one that will make full use of their competencies, their logic and sense of order, justice and fair play.

Many find competition to be stimulating and fun. "These are the rules of the game now let us play." Fairness is sharing and respecting the same set of rules, so may the best one win. And since they readily acknowledge that there will be a winner and a loser, they would simply much rather be the winner. So they hone their strategies on the fine knife of experience and sharpen their skills to meet the next challenge head on.

They love having greater challenges bestowed on them as a result of having successfully met the last, as this attests to their competence and skills. They appear dispassionate because of their impersonal and objective approach, but close observation will reveal deep passion and enthusiasm as well as sensitivity, especially to cherished ones. However they expect others to roll up their sleeves as they do and meet the task in spite of personal hardships or discomfort.

They have little tolerance for personal whims that threaten a smooth running operation. They are direct and honest with most things that displease them and expect others to do the same. Their humanity shows in their sense of fairness and justice as well as their love of humor.

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It makes me sound so rigid & like a "square", which I am not. Not entirely. I know I am much more variable than what was described, but...when my life feels like it's slipping through my fingers...I do feel like a total loser & a complete square! I am a thinker & a planner.

I've been lying in bed for ~ an hour thinking/planning/thinking... The worst part is...I can't plan ahead if I don't know what lies ahead...& that is the worst feeling in the world! So, right now, I can't plan....I can only think.

I wish I could just cool it & sleep, but I can't. If I try to go to sleep feeling unprepared, restless, clueless! Then, my mind will keep wandering until it can somehow land safely on a decision. What if a decision cannot be made because I have to wait until the decision is made for me? Then I am left feeling exactly as I do right now. Unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking.

I am a planner. And I hate that I have to wait until December to make my future life decision. Of where, when, how.....Am I going to be home, or in Los Angeles, Loma Linda, Chicago, New York, Boston, etc.....where will I be?? Everything is on standby until I hear from nursing school in December...and until then I can't make any drastic adjustments in my life?? Gosh, I feel like I can't do anything & that totally sucks. Some might call it a break & want to enjoy the...break. I call it torture.

I feel so unproductive, unable to move, so...paralyzed....until, December. That's when I'll know. I'll know everything: my next move, my where, my how, my when!!!!!



*December, December. Until December then.

it's all about love

Lately, I've been learning a lot about the value of love. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to give/show to others, while it's the one thing that EVERYBODY craves (even if they don't admit it to themselves).

Subconsciously, I used to think: people can betray or hurt me, but at least God will never do that to me...
<'Cause.....seriously, people can be just so evil, rude, impatient, thoughtless, obnoxious,................etc.> lol

And today, I learned for the first time, that I can no longer separate between God & human beings. If I truly am aiming to grow spiritually in my relationship with God, then I need to start filling up my own heart with love & compassion for the people that God created & loves more than anything in this world..myself included.

It's gonna be a bit of a challenge, especially for myself. It will take some time, training, & patience. Maybe I will utterly fail sometimes!! But definitely a lot of growth, intimacy, & reconciliation will result, which are the products I gladly wait for :o) And the best part is, I don't think for a second that I will regret ever trying to love someone.



*Because the Bible says,


"The Lord is gracious & compassionate, slow to anger & rich in love.
The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made.
All you have made will praise you, O Lord; Your saints will extol you.
They will tell of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts & the glorious splendor of Your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, & Your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is faithful to all His promises & loving toward all He has made."

-Psalm 145: 8-13-

catching up with time..& my #5

1. The weather changed all of a sudden. It's freezing in the morning. Fall is finally here.
Then, there was one Sunday that I will never forget. A very Blue Day at Bethel.. :)







2. My new hobby includes reading/doing QT at any Barnes & Noble while having my coffee..I also make my very own healthy omelet at home..

3. I'm getting closer toward reaching my career/dream of becoming a nurse. Had my interview yesterday (keeping my fingers crossed until the end of this year). Wish they would just put me out of my misery already & just tell me NOW.

4. My days are used for my muse & enjoyment. I like..


*And finally, my #5:


I'm going to LAOS! :)


Going to visit my sister who's been on my case about this for many months..& finally it's about that time. When the economy is at its worse..I'm going to leap my whole body into faith. Perfect timing, Steph..
And yet, I choose to immerse myself into fear, discomfort, & confusion...instead of leaning toward my own knowledge & logic. I've never done something like this before! I am a practical/logical person (which is code for safe/boring). This is me. In a sense, this means I'm gonna grow a lot. I was already being stretched in all directions while deciding/pondering/calculating. And I'm DONE! Bought the ticket, gonna pack my bags & leave it in the front door.

On a side note, there are things to do in preparation for the trip: I should exercise, take my vitamins, get my flu shot (very soon), rest my body before shocking it to death on a 28-hour trip in multiple airlines & lay-overs. My body's most happy when it is maintained in its predictable/equilibrium state. It becomes very agitated when things go out of control, without warning. And it's definitely shocked when I go somewhere...ANYWHERE. It can be as far as Laos...or just going on a retreat for a couple days. Nevertheless, it will cause all sorts of illness. So, I suppose in order to make this trip as painless as possible, I must raise my body's stamina..& its pain threshold. lol.