(According to the Myers Briggs Personality Type Test)
This is me:
"Creating order out of chaos" is one extroverted thinker's way of describing her volition. Determined, logical, critical, they love a challenge, especially one that will allow tangible improvement in productivity, efficiency or profitability. They are direct, finding the quickest, most direct path between what is and what should be.
They excel at implementing ideas and are often on the lookout for good ideas worthy of their attention. They are quick to organize, orchestrate, find resources, coordinate, and follow through to the end of a project. They love a problem, especially one that will make full use of their competencies, their logic and sense of order, justice and fair play.
Many find competition to be stimulating and fun. "These are the rules of the game now let us play." Fairness is sharing and respecting the same set of rules, so may the best one win. And since they readily acknowledge that there will be a winner and a loser, they would simply much rather be the winner. So they hone their strategies on the fine knife of experience and sharpen their skills to meet the next challenge head on.
They love having greater challenges bestowed on them as a result of having successfully met the last, as this attests to their competence and skills. They appear dispassionate because of their impersonal and objective approach, but close observation will reveal deep passion and enthusiasm as well as sensitivity, especially to cherished ones. However they expect others to roll up their sleeves as they do and meet the task in spite of personal hardships or discomfort.
They have little tolerance for personal whims that threaten a smooth running operation. They are direct and honest with most things that displease them and expect others to do the same. Their humanity shows in their sense of fairness and justice as well as their love of humor.
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It makes me sound so rigid & like a "square", which I am not. Not entirely. I know I am much more variable than what was described, but...when my life feels like it's slipping through my fingers...I do feel like a total loser & a complete square! I am a thinker & a planner.
I've been lying in bed for ~ an hour thinking/planning/thinking... The worst part is...I can't plan ahead if I don't know what lies ahead...& that is the worst feeling in the world! So, right now, I can't plan....I can only think.
I wish I could just cool it & sleep, but I can't. If I try to go to sleep feeling unprepared, restless, clueless! Then, my mind will keep wandering until it can somehow land safely on a decision. What if a decision cannot be made because I have to wait until the decision is made for me? Then I am left feeling exactly as I do right now. Unable to sleep, unable to stop thinking.
I am a planner. And I hate that I have to wait until December to make my future life decision. Of where, when, how.....Am I going to be home, or in Los Angeles, Loma Linda, Chicago, New York, Boston, etc.....where will I be?? Everything is on standby until I hear from nursing school in December...and until then I can't make any drastic adjustments in my life?? Gosh, I feel like I can't do anything & that totally sucks. Some might call it a break & want to enjoy the...break. I call it torture.
I feel so unproductive, unable to move, so...paralyzed....until, December. That's when I'll know. I'll know everything: my next move, my where, my how, my when!!!!!
*December, December. Until December then.
