looking back..

I have never had all my deadlines due within the same time frame before like this..School, nursing school application, work, & church. It's been tough. And I am "beyond burnt out" (hahaha) as someone had once said to me before. Recently, I realized/discovered how "stuck" I am with my commitments and how really tired I have become from them. Not just tired, miserable. And it is finally time to do something about it before it's too late.


****************************************************************************


Time to SUBTRACT. It's no longer additions, but subtractions I must learn to do. Yes, Stephanie. You will learn how to say the word, "no" and be given room to breathe. Yay.. That would be kinda nice.


For the past *few months..or longer, I have felt like..



..and maybe..




***************************************************************************

*Steph's Goal: To be more.......everyday.

beautiful girl

Isn't she adorable?
My cousin Charlie's 2nd daughter, Emily.
Beautiful girl..

a new monster friend

Time for many all-nighters to come. Hope that this monster energy drink will be the solution to my fatigue. Sleep is so precious but I must study when I'm not working.
I can't wait until I can catch up with my sleep. Sleep, such a leisure right now.


***************************************************************************

Random Thought:

My "realistic" get-away..vacation might seriously consist of just parking my car next to a random lawn..and then parking my portable beach chair on the lawn & relaxing in the sun with my sunglasses on. lol.

school started

Yep, that's right. I'm back to studying-mode. Gosh, summer was great. I miss it already. I never got around to feeling like going back to school. And now, I realize that September will be a big start of more things. With another job that I'll be taking, my mornings will never be my own (that's for sure). Come to think of it, neither will be my evenings. Gosh..that's not good.

What happened to my vacation?? Did I really get to have one, no. I did not. With my oath ceremony to become a US citizen, they took my passport so that I can get the cool blue one..not the green (Korean) passport I have had all my life. I could have paid extra to get express shipping and have my passport delivered back to me within a month, but...why would I pay an extra hundred dollars to get my passport back AFTER school starts? So..no passport, no exciting trips. Oh well, there's always next time.

For now, I can be satisfied with lots of ice cream, watching as many movies as I possibly can, and trying/exploring different types of coffee drinks. And finally, my personal favorite, shopping.

jo's back

My sister, my best friend was gone for a whole month for missions. I've never missed her this much before. I was counting the hours that she would be coming home. And while she was finally on her way down, I had to surprise her with balloons and flowers. :o) It was wonderful. My parents missed her just as much as I did. We were glued to my Jo.. At one point, I noticed that we were all just watching her unpack her suitcase and throw dirty clothes in the laundry basket in wonder. lol
I missed my Jo.

caffeine-addict

It is I. I have checked and now I am positive. Never thought that I could actually be one of those people who NEED something. Last week I got really sick so I thought, instead of drinking coffee every morning, I should drink OJ. You know, the healthy stuff. I had chicken soup and noodles for 4 days.

Then, the next day I had the worst headache. The pounding kind. Ugh. It was pretty bad and I wasn't sure if it was because I was sick or if it was something else. Something told me that it might be something else. So I went to Starbucks and ordered a Caramel Macchiato. I thought I should get the coffee before I get the medicine and see if it's caffeine-withdrawal or my own sickness. Guess what. Bingo. Went away that I forgot I even had a headache. lol. Welcome to the world of caffeine addicts Stephanie! It's not so bad. Coffee is awesome. Makes me truly happy during my busiest days.

my daily planner

Another week gone by. It goes by so quickly that I can't keep track of it or even let it sink in. I'm one of those people who can't live without their daily planners. Recently I lost it for less than 24 hours and I felt so lost and unable to get anything done. The whole day at work was fuss over where my planner could be. That night my mom handed my planner that I left in her car the night before. When she placed it in front of me I held it up like it was a lost treasure that has finally been recovered.

It's important that my goals are met by the end of each week. I won't cross out what I wrote on my "to do list" until they are completed. And the funny part is, I look back (rarely) at my planner and I see every event and deadline I've written that has taken place. It's so weird how before the day comes, I stress trying to fit the schedules together and then it's over and..then I forget that it ever happened. I only look at what is to come that day or that week. On the other hand, there's my journal where I write only the things that has happened already. And I feel like sometimes I only dwell on the past. Funny.

bad day

I absolutely hated working today. Gosh! I just hate it when people are mad and take out their frustrations on other people. Just innocent bystanders! Why? Why do people do that to each other, does it really make you feel better? You know that you're going to regret it right after you do it..and you try to cover it up like it never happened. (this is where I roll my eyes). I get it. People are that stressed, but still...come on.

I just take it all in because I don't know what else to do. Actually, I take it home..and I just blow up inside like I am right now. *Sigh. It's been 3 hours since I got home from work and I'm still a little upset. Ruined my night that I'm not even tired anymore. I should be sleeping right now, but I wanted to vent before I go to bed. How annoying.

no, thank you

I'm already supposed to register for a class next Monday and I got stressed just thinking about school. Obviously I don't want to go back to school. I just want to work, come home..and be stress-free from exams/grades. There's just one class I have to take, but I already feel the tension. No, thank you.

Fall semester starts next month and I find myself feeling totally robbed of my summer vacation. Feels like I just started my summer yesterday even though it's been a month.

To me, school is pretty much stress and time-constraint. How sad. When did I start dreading school? I think I liked school back in preschool.. lol

catching up

I'm amazed at the speed of time. I can never seem to catch up. When did it become July already? I have to catch my breath.

#1. I still can't believe my baby cousin graduated from high school when we used to play "house" together as kids..not too long ago it seems. She was the baby and I was always the mother. haha


#2. I got a new air freshener in my room. Now it smells like sweet Hawaiian Breeze. Wonderful.


#3. For the 4th of July my family and I went hiking together. Something we haven't done in ages. It was beautiful..a memory that I will cherish forever.


#4. "Ratatouille" is my favorite movie of the year. :o) I'll gladly watch it for the 3rd time.


#5. VBS of 2007 is finally over. I can't believe it..more than 600 kids at church. Aww, I miss VBS already.


#6. I passed my citizenship interview a couple weeks ago. In 90 days I will be a citizen AND my name will officially be: Stephanie Heejin Kwon. Yay! Good-bye to Huijin Kwon. :o)


#7. Last Sunday was my last Bible Study with my 4th grade girls. That made me sad.


#8. Jo (my sister) is leaving this Sunday for missions for a whole month.



Time is precious.

a little sunlight

This summer, I was SUPPOSED to go to London. I'm so sad that it will never happen this year. :o( I don't know what it is about going somewhere other than the familiar that makes it so...wonderful. I guess that means, I'm just a little tired.

When I think about going to some place new and far away, it reminds me of Superman. We are refreshed and rejuvenated after a nice vacation. The far the better..Vacation for us humans is like the sun to Superman. He gets energy and power after absorbing sunlight.

I wish I could absorb energy out of sunlight. Maybe I can. A power nap in the sun..by the pool.

a small thing

I've been tutoring a boy & a girl who are siblings for a few months now. The girl is in 4th grade and the boy is in 2nd. It's been always easier to tutor the girl..obviously because she's more mature and because she works very hard. Today she shared with me that she's really glad that I'm her tutor. And she told me that it takes her a while to get used to a person enough to open up..and that she feels that she finally can with me..

The little boy, on the other hand, has been a handful since day one. He works hard of course, but he's still in 2nd grade. Can you imagine making a little boy sit down with one person for 1 whole hour, 3 times a week? Poor little guy. Anyway, I found myself starting to..anticipate with great apprehension..whenever it was his turn to tutor. Basically I dreaded my next hour with the little dude. But today, right before tutor I got a little cut on my finger. It was really small, but it stung and bothered me while I was tutoring. When he saw that I was in pain (just alittle bit), he ran to the bathroom and got a cup of water, soap, and a bowl. He took my finger and washed it with soap and dried it with a towel. Then he ran downstairs and got a band-aid and wrapped it around my finger. I was telling him that he didn't need to during this whole process. Oh, but did he touch my heart? Of course he did. And at that moment I realized that I'm probably never going to forget what he just did for me. :o)

Less is more.

I complain a lot that I am too busy & that I never have enough time. Fortunately, I am reminded today that doing less might actually mean more to God. No one gets to have more time than others to get things done. But some still get more stuff done because it's up to the choices they make. Time is precious because time never waits. My prayer is..that my time will be used for each moment & that I will not...waste my time doing things that may be meaningless.

"I may do anything, but everything is not useful..or constructive."
-1 Cor. 10:23-

Hello Summer

Yes!! I am officially done with school! It still hasn't hit me yet but who cares. I am liberated as of this moment.

My weekend in Vancouver went by so fast. It feels like a dream..except I got so sick. Maybe it feels like a dream because most of the time I was sleeping. How sad. It's never been this bad before. I can't eat anything. My palatine uvula (to be anatomically correct) is swollen and it hurts so much! It hurts to even swallow, actually it just hurts even if I don't do anything. And I can't eat or drink anything that's hot or spicy. The only thing that I can probably eat/drink is water, milk and soft white bread. Anything else just hurts and stings like crazy. I tried to drink coffee so many times. It hurts so much. I hope by tomorrow I can slowly start eating..but I'm so scared. I'm kind of traumatized by the orange juice, spicy/hot food and drinks I've been attempting to have. It's painful. How sad.

Despite my physical state, I am...happy. I may not look like it, but I am.

Here we come..

A plane ride is coming right around the corner. The first trip, bag to pack, and the first wedding of the year. And it will take us to Vancouver for my cousin's wedding. I don't like the idea of taking my books & study materials on board. But I'm not going to let it spoil this weekend. We bought the dress, the shoes..and we are coming for this wonderful event.

My cousin, whom my sister & I have grown up with since we were babies. Probably the closest cousin I've known and spent time with..that's getting married. It's weird because we always lived in different continents, but we visited each other's houses the most. From Korea to England back to Korea, the US, and then Canada. And I met the bride-to-be last year when I visited. This wedding will be a special one. :o)

Strawberries

My favorite fruit..has to be strawberries. So delicious and so good. Now, imagine what a little chocolate can do to the lovely strawberries. This is what I crave. If you bought me chocolate-covered strawberries when I'm down, you would witness magic. Because I would be all better.. :o)





"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."

-Virginia Woolf-

No Internet

Through some mishaps..My house has no internet for the next 2 days..Boo.
Since Monday, my daily routine has been utterly broken.
Having no connection for just 1 day, can leave a person feeling so desperate!
I have homework, projects, e-mails to check, & calls to make..none can be done without it.
I've been spending the past 2 days at a local coffee shop, which kindly offers free internet service. :o)

On the other hand, it was two of my most precious friends' birthdays this past weekend. Love you both from the bottom of my heart & happy birthday.


Okay. Now..I have to focus on school. No more head in the clouds Stephanie! I have a final in a month, a lab practical coming up, and a project. One last month. Oh my...time to be nerdy.

Ditto

This is totally how I feel. Making faces. Ugly faces. lol.

Adding Color.

Studying/memorizing is non-stop. And I'm exhausted after today's lab practical. Every week is an exam or practical at school. I wish I could say that I enjoy studying, but I do not. It takes energy, color, & life out of me. When I was younger I thought I was going to be an artist. If I were a writer or an artist..just maybe..it would be different. But studying arteries, brains, and the heart..takes imagination away. And I find myself turning into this dull, nerdy girl who is stressed out. But being the girly girl that I am, I add color to decorate all my uninteresting notes. In order to get myself to enjoy studying..I would seriously do anything. And it does the trick. Thank you for all high-lighters, color pencils, colored notecards, & colored ink..in a silly way, it allows me to be nerdy/artistic.

Freedom to choose.

Since I got my laptop, using xanga has been useless since mac is a little different. It's deterred me from updating out of inconvenience (how sad). I like it when life is simple. Simplicity is best. And change is always good to me. I love changes. In fact, I can't wait for the most anticipated change yet. The change in season. To my favorite time of year..the summer time. ^^ Summer means more ice cream, sandals, picnics, & strawberry smoothies.

This year's spring has been nothing but gloomy/cloudy..with rain in between. I happily accept rain when I can stay indoors..but this year particularly has been raining on either a tuesday or thursday. How do I notice this? Because those 2 days out of the week is when I have my long lab hours at school. And it's those days thatI notice that I have left my umbrella in the back of my car.

If I could choose to change things in my life right now, first thing that's gotta go is the spring. I feel like I'm on stand-by right now until summer.. when things will start to flow and move. I think what I might be waiting for most is the freedom to choose. Right now I feel that I have no choice. I just have to keep going. I have work and I have work.

To keep my sanity I have been switching schedules and making plans to look forward to each week so that my week isn't so redundant. To list a few..I've been trying to meet with old friends that I haven't seen in months or even years, I got a membership at 24-hour fitness. (whoo-hoo), & my parents have been getting into buying new furniture.. so I got a new sitting-chair and a matching table..& I've been spending quality time there..reading & listening to French music.

One thing I got from today's Easter message is that time waits for no one. And it will always be too fast to catch up to. So as I wait for summer, it will most likely get here before I even know it. So until then, I will patiently wait and know that each day is a gift.